Empire State of Lots of Questions That Don't Get Answered Properly

This is NEW YAWK!

Ok... Geez.

Listen, I get it. I'm in New York. I know I'm in New York. You know you're in New York. We're all in New York. But this answer can't be the go-to "because I said so" equivalent to all of my observations and questions about the city.

Me: Why are the street hotdogs so skinny? There's barely any meat!
You: This is New Yawk!

Me: I can't believe the rats just don't even care and hang out right next to you on the sidewalk.
You: This is New YAwk!!

Me: Why am I sweating just standing here? Whyyy?
You: This is New YAWk!!!

Me: Why does...
You: THIS IS NEW YAWK!!!!

And, yes, it does sound like that when it's practically shouted into my face.

The West Coast is the Best Coast...I Think

I didn't know I talked so funny until I moved out east. Like "egg."

Apparently it's supposed to be pronounced as it's written, but I unknowingly add a really twisted midwestern tone to the "eh" sound. Of course, I mis-pronounced Stuyvesant (but not Houston) and forgot that the two bodies of water bounding Manhattan on either side were not related to the ocean.

On a brighter note, I think I fit into the east coast culture much better. Here's how I know (self-curated checklist below):

• Flipped off a driver in Chinatown only to be called a g--k. At least it wasn't c---k!
• Was mistaken for a local by tourists and subsequently gave them absolutely wrong directions nearly every time thereby confirming whatever (negative) opinions they have of New Yorkers.
• Got into an altercation with a ridiculous man in the neighborhood deli after he continued to verbally abuse the cashier. 
• Properly hailed a cab for my DC relatives who weren't so sure they could do it themselves (caveat: we were in the hell hole known as Times Square).

But deep down my west coast upbringing hasn't changed certain preferences. Temperate climates, clean(er) streets, trees, Trees, TREES, and dry heat? Yes, please. Oh yeahhh, DRY heat. Yum.